Stress Management and Relaxation Techniques

Archive for September, 2009

A specialist in human development and family studies from the University of Missouri discussed the impact of divorce on children, mentioning that how they react strongly and differently to their divorcing parents depends on their age. 

 Infants:  higher degree of irritability, more crying and fussing, changes in sleeping and eating habits.

 Toddlers:  they recognize the fact that one parent is no longer living at home, they have a difficult time physically separating from a parent, may express anger, may lose some skills previously acquired like toilet training, going back to thumb-sucking, experience changes in sleeping patterns, may have nightmares.

 Pre-schoolers and early elementary age:  may blame themselves for the divorce, may over-worry about changes in their lives, may exhibit sadness and grieving because of the absence of one parent, may be aggressive and violent to the parent they blame for the divorce, may fantasize about their parents getting back together.

 Pre-teens: may feel abandoned by the departing parent, may withdraw from friends and favourite activities, may exhibit strange behaviour and use foul language, may feel angry and uncertain about their concepts of love, marriage and family, may feel that they are growing up too soon, and may find themselves preoccupied about their parents’ finances.

Friends are forever.  Even if we move out of town or take up residence overseas, we maintain our friendships. 

Friendship is evident manifestation of maturity.  Marriage is a responsibility larger than life, and can be a source of annoyance or profound joy.  Only when we turn those annoyances and joys into building blocks for an enduring friendship can we say that we’ve taken the unwavering path to a marriage made in heaven.
Friendship in a marriage means that the marriage will be pregnant with memories of laughter and humour, for didn’t we choose those friends who made us laugh the most?  Didn’t our mothers always tell us, “when choosing a husband, count the times he made you laugh.”

Friendship also means open and honest communication; a no holds barred type of union where our comfort level with our spouse goes beyond 100%, assured that what we say and how we say it will not be judged or taken in a negative light.
Friendship between couples generates wholesome feelings of goodwill and fidelity.  Our spouse – our friend – has our interests at heart, will not betray us and will be our staunchest supporter.  Friendship also makes spouses stronger; this strength is reinforced by the joy of shared history, of nostalgia and plans for the future. 

Romance is a good thing, and we could use heaps of it when our relationships get rocky.  But mature friends are aware that romance can be a barrier to friendship.  Why?  Because romance obliterates the darker side of our existence – our fears, anxieties, and insecurities.  Yet, it is those fears, anxieties and insecurities that naturally draw us to our friend.

Friendship in a marriage brings about the recognition that flux, de-stabilization and disruption are what Dr. Rhodes calls the “first steps in the dynamic process of repair, rebuilding and renewal.