Stress Management and Relaxation Techniques

Archive for the ‘General’ Category

No one has a better handle on bad bosses than their employees. Just ask them. We did, and we have nightmare boss scenarios from men and women who were eager to share their personal stories (provided we kept their names anonymous). We boiled down the most frequent offenses and asked executive coach Anna Marie Valerio, Ph.D. for her official stamp of (dis)approval and pointers for turning a bad work relationship around.

Micromanaging Our first case is a manager in the publishing industry who insisted upon being cc’d on every one of her employees’ e-mail correspondences. “She would routinely respond to our e-mails correcting wording or chastising us for the smallest grammatical mistakes,” an employee shares. Resistance to TMS (too much supervision) is normal. While you have a responsibility to your boss, there are times when people ask too much from you without cause. “The problem may be that she is paying too much attention to small details because she either has blinders on to the bigger scope of the company, or she is being kept in the dark by her own supervisors, which can create insecurity and bad behavior,” says Valerio, author of Developing Women Leaders.

 If you think your boss is asking for more information than you think is necessary, there is no inherent harm in asking why. In a proactive and positive way, that is, because there may be a legitimate reason she needs, in the example of one real estate broker’s boss, “every detail about every client meeting she doesn’t feel like attending.” Before you talk to your supervisor, though, ask a trusted colleague on another team if this micromanaging behavior is endemic to the company. Also, strategize some open-ended questions for your boss, such as “I’d like to talk about all the information you need from me. I’m wondering how you see it fits into your vision and the big picture of the company.” “It is a gentle yet proactive way to alert the manager to back off and it can drive the manager to seek out the big picture, which will ultimately help them to be a better supervisor,” says Valerio. Liar, Liar Lying is hard to tolerate in any circumstance, but when your boss is a liar it’s sure to foul the workplace dynamic.

One professional shares her tale of the time her boss’s lies caught up with him: “He told me I could not take my approved vacation because his own supervisor had planned a retreat for the company during the same week. But my vacation had been approved months in advance and was paid for–and non-refundable.” The worker was told the supervisor expected her to attend the retreat. Not only was it infuriating, but it wasn’t true. “He had never explicitly asked his supervisor,” she says. In a show of boldness, she asked her boss’s boss herself and was told, of course, that she could go on her vacation as planned. This lied-to employee did precisely the right thing, says Valerio. “Lying is a symptom of unfair treatment in the workplace,” she says, pointing out other similar types of unfair behaviors, such as favoritism and ignoring certain employees, or rewarding the work of some and not others. Her advice in tackling unfairness is to work around the supervisor, and create your own networks at work. As a result, you won’t have to rely on any one person, precisely what the vacationing worker did by circumventing her manager and heading directly to his boss.

 ”It’s very difficult to confront a boss directly about fairness since it can easily come across as combative or accusatory,” says Valerio. “Instead, look around to co-workers. If you’re not receiving truthful information from your manager, you may be able to get it elsewhere if you’ve built a good network of peers within the company.”

If an alcoholic is unwilling to seek help, is there any way to get him or her into treatment?

This can be a challenging situation. An alcoholic cannot be forced to get help except under certain circumstances, such as when a violent incident results in police being called or following a medical emergency.

This doesn’t mean, however, that you have to wait for a crisis to make an impact. Based on clinical experience, many alcoholism treatment specialists recommend the following steps to help an alcoholic accept treatment:

Stop all “rescue missions.” Family members often try to protect an alcoholic from the results of his or her behavior by making excuses to others about his or her drinking and by getting him or her out of alcohol-related jams. It is important to stop all such rescue attempts immediately, so that the alcoholic will fully experience the harmful effects of his or her drinking — and thereby become more motivated to stop.

Time your intervention. Plan to talk with the drinker shortly after an alcohol-related problem has occurred–for example, a serious family argument in which drinking played a part or an alcohol-related accident. Also choose a time when he or she is sober, when both of you are in a calm frame of mind, and when you can speak privately.

Be specific. Tell the family member that you are concerned about his or her drinking and want to be supportive in getting help. Back up your concern with examples of the ways in which his or her drinking has caused problems for both of you, including the most recent incident.

State the consequences. Tell the family member that until he or she gets help, you will carry out consequences–not to punish the drinker, but to protect yourself from the harmful effects of the drinking. These may range from refusing to go with the person to any alcohol-related social activities to moving out of the house. Do not make any threats you are not prepared to carry out.

Be ready to help. Gather information in advance about local treatment options. If the person is willing to seek help, call immediately for an appointment with a treatment program counselor. Offer to go with the family member on the first visit to a treatment program and/or AA meeting.

Call on a friend. If the family member still refuses to get help, ask a friend to talk with him or her, using the steps described above. A friend who is a recovering alcoholic may be particularly persuasive, but any caring, nonjudgmental friend may be able to make a difference. The intervention of more than one person, more than one time, is often necessary to persuade an alcoholic person to seek help.

Find strength in numbers. With the help of a professional therapist, some families join with other relatives and friends to confront an alcoholic as a group. While this approach may be effective, it should only be attempted under the guidance of a therapist who is experienced in this kind of group intervention.

Get support. Whether or not the alcoholic family member seeks help, you may benefit from the encouragement and support of other people in your situation. Support groups offered in most communities include Al-Anon, which holds regular meetings for spouses and other significant adults in an alcoholic’s life, and Alateen, for children of alcoholics. These groups help family members understand that they are not responsible for an alcoholic’s drinking and that they need to take steps to take care of themselves, regardless of whether the alcoholic family member chooses to get help.