Archive for the ‘General’ Category
April 8th, 2010 | 
Author: If an alcoholic is unwilling to seek help, is there any way to get him or her into treatment?
This can be a challenging situation. An alcoholic cannot be forced to get help except under certain circumstances, such as when a violent incident results in police being called or following a medical emergency.
This doesn’t mean, however, that you have to wait for a crisis to make an impact. Based on clinical experience, many alcoholism treatment specialists recommend the following steps to help an alcoholic accept treatment:
Stop all “rescue missions.” Family members often try to protect an alcoholic from the results of his or her behavior by making excuses to others about his or her drinking and by getting him or her out of alcohol-related jams. It is important to stop all such rescue attempts immediately, so that the alcoholic will fully experience the harmful effects of his or her drinking — and thereby become more motivated to stop.
Time your intervention. Plan to talk with the drinker shortly after an alcohol-related problem has occurred–for example, a serious family argument in which drinking played a part or an alcohol-related accident. Also choose a time when he or she is sober, when both of you are in a calm frame of mind, and when you can speak privately.
Be specific. Tell the family member that you are concerned about his or her drinking and want to be supportive in getting help. Back up your concern with examples of the ways in which his or her drinking has caused problems for both of you, including the most recent incident.
State the consequences. Tell the family member that until he or she gets help, you will carry out consequences–not to punish the drinker, but to protect yourself from the harmful effects of the drinking. These may range from refusing to go with the person to any alcohol-related social activities to moving out of the house. Do not make any threats you are not prepared to carry out.
Be ready to help. Gather information in advance about local treatment options. If the person is willing to seek help, call immediately for an appointment with a treatment program counselor. Offer to go with the family member on the first visit to a treatment program and/or AA meeting.
Call on a friend. If the family member still refuses to get help, ask a friend to talk with him or her, using the steps described above. A friend who is a recovering alcoholic may be particularly persuasive, but any caring, nonjudgmental friend may be able to make a difference. The intervention of more than one person, more than one time, is often necessary to persuade an alcoholic person to seek help.
Find strength in numbers. With the help of a professional therapist, some families join with other relatives and friends to confront an alcoholic as a group. While this approach may be effective, it should only be attempted under the guidance of a therapist who is experienced in this kind of group intervention.
Get support. Whether or not the alcoholic family member seeks help, you may benefit from the encouragement and support of other people in your situation. Support groups offered in most communities include Al-Anon, which holds regular meetings for spouses and other significant adults in an alcoholic’s life, and Alateen, for children of alcoholics. These groups help family members understand that they are not responsible for an alcoholic’s drinking and that they need to take steps to take care of themselves, regardless of whether the alcoholic family member chooses to get help.
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The decision to try and get help for someone you care about who has an addiction is never easy. Fortunately, with your support, they have a greater chance of overcoming their addiction. Each situation is unique, but there are some general guidelines that will help you approach this task.
Expect Difficulties
There are many reasons that helping someone you care about with their addiction can be difficult:
They may not agree that they have a problem.
They may not want to change what they are doing.
They may fear consequences e.g., losing their job, going to prison.
They may feel embarrassed, and not want to discuss it with you.
They may feel awkward about discussing personal issues with a professional.
They may be engaging in the addiction as a way to avoid dealing with another problem that bothers them more.
There is no fast and easy way to get help for a loved one. Overcoming an addiction requires great willpower on the part of the person with the addiction, so if they do not want to change what they are doing, trying to persuade them to get help is unlikely to work.
However, you can take steps that will help your loved one to make changes over the long term, and will help you to cope with a loved one with an addiction.
Step 1: Establish Trust
This can be hard to do if the addicted person has already betrayed your trust. However, establishing trust both ways is an important first step in helping them to think about change. Trust is easily undermined, even when you are trying to help.
Avoid the following trust-destroyers:
Nagging, criticizing and lecturing the addicted person.
Yelling, name calling and exaggerating (even when you are stressed out yourself).
Engaging in addictive behaviors yourself, even in moderation (they will think you are a hypocrite).
Be aware that:
Although you just want to help the addicted person, they may think you are trying to control them, which can lead to them engaging in the addictive behavior even more.
They probably use the addictive behavior at least partly as a way to control stress. If the atmosphere between you is stressful, they will want to do the addictive behavior more, not less.
Building trust is a two-way process. Trust is not established by putting up with bad behavior. If you have no trust for your loved one, and do not feel it can be established at the moment, you should read Step 2.
People with addictions rarely change until there is some consequence to their behavior. Don’t try too hard to protect the addicted person from the consequences of their own actions (unless it is harmful to themselves or others, for example, drinking and driving).
Step 2: Get Help for Yourself First
Being in a relationship with a person who has an addiction is often stressful. Accepting that you are going through stress and need help managing it is an important step in helping your loved one, as well as yourself. Here are some suggestions for getting support for yourself.
Step 3: Communicate
Although you may feel tempted to let your loved one know that their addiction is a problem, and that they need to change, the decision to change is theirs. They are much more likely to be open to thinking about change if you communicate honestly but in a way that does not threaten your loved one.
These tips on communicating with an addicted loved one should help.
Step 4: The Treatment Process
The treatment process will vary according to the kind of treatment your loved one is getting.
If you are involved in your loved one’s treatment:
Remember to keep working on establishing trust. Re-read Step 1 before going to counseling with your loved one.
Be honest about your feelings, what you want to happen, and what the addiction has been like for you.
Do not blame, criticize or humiliate your loved one in counseling. Simply say what it has been like for you.
Do not be surprised if your loved one says that things you are doing are contributing to their addiction. Try to listen with an open mind.
If you want them to change, you will probably have to change too, even if you don’t have an addiction. If you show you are willing to try, your loved one will be more likely to try as well.
If your loved one has treatment alone:
Respect their privacy in everyday life. Do not inform friends, family or others about your loved one’s treatment.
Respect their privacy in therapy. If they don’t want to talk about it, don’t push for them to tell you what happened.
Remember, change does not happen overnight.